Is it really noble, heroic, and virtuous to just accept for one’s self an unrequited love?
I have a friend called M who has that plight and I pity her; pitied her because I could not help her even if I wanted to – because she just won’t listen. I could not care less anymore. I stopped talking sense into her since I felt like a nagging love therapist or more like a villain in her imaginary love story. M loves a man who loves another woman – a very uncommon situation, right? 😉 Kidding aside, their situation became more of a spider web trapping because the “other” woman is M’s neighbor and best friend and M does not know of it happening.
The guy M loved already told her straight-faced that he does not love her and that he loves another. Is it not enough reason to stay away and stop loving? M knew there is an “other” woman, but amazingly, M did not care and so she keeps on in the hope that someday the guy will love her back – which I doubt. Am I such a bad friend? I knew the closeness of their situation all along but I did not and cannot tell her who the other woman is because I think it will only create too much of a chaos. Because I think that regardless whether the “other” woman is M’s friend or not will not matter anymore; the guy already told her that he does not love M. Period. I think that that is an enough reason already for M to stay away. I could only tell her to just lay low now, stop praising the guy, look for another man, start living and love her own self first and foremost, but as I said, M would not listen.
A woman’s instinct is so powerful. M’s instinct should already be working by now; no need to work for knowing if her beloved has an “other” woman because she was already told, but should be working to know who the other woman is. The three of them were drinking buddies, so their bonding moments together never start without drinks and stuffs. I wonder how the guy and the “other” woman manage to never lose themselves in the occasion, because M never mentions anything suspicious. I am such an eavesdropper! (haha) I am just so curious how the story will end for the three of them.
Can M be blamed? Yes. Can the guy be blamed? Yes. Can the “other” woman be blamed? Yes. Can I be blamed for anything at all? No. Such bias (haha). I think that the most proper way of M knowing the whole truth should be from the guy standing up once and for all and tell M that his girlfriend happens to be both their “friend”. I don’t want to judge and take sides; each one of them has their own reasons for loving and keeping secrets. I don’t want to be that first person to break the ugly news. I may sound like a bad friend, but I’ve done my part. I have already talked M through getting over a hopeless love and getting on with a new life, but as she feels before she thinks, she is stubbornly hopeless as well.
M is such an ardent lover. Her strength to love and care for someone is her weakness all at the same time. If her love was well-reciprocated, it could have been a very wonderful relationship. Her love has such mystery into it that can’t be helped. At one point, I admired her for selflessly loving a man, but as time goes, it became too much to admire because what blossomed as a love that should be nurturing was now a destructing monster slowly eating her pride until none is left of her. She was all okey when told by the guy that he does not love her; which automatically means it is okey with her to be the “mistress” in the relationship and will still do any kind of chores just for the guy to accept her love even if he can’t give it back.
I am really going to get headaches over-analyzing their situation. Why can’t M just listen and open her mind? Why can’t M just un-deaf and un-blind herself? It’s not love M, it’s definitely not love!
I think I already have the answer to my question. No, it is not noble, heroic, and virtuous.
It is stupidity in all sense of the word. Sorry (shrugging shoulders)
“Stupid as a man, say the women: cowardly as a woman, say the men. Stupidity in a woman is unwomanly” –Friedrich Nietzsche
And I rest my case.