THE CONFUSED LOSER

It’s been days and I can’t think of anything interesting to write.

Actually, there is – but I can’t put them to words. I’m lost in translating. First, I want to write about my staggering weight loss journey, then I want to write about foods I love eating. I also want to write about places I want to go to but I can’t make time to travel; nothing seems to fall into the right places and I hate it.

How else can one write interestingly when the interesting things are beyond touch. Blogging seemed to have taken its toll on me. Everyday I browse the WordPress Daily Prompts and try to come up with something sensible to write but I am struggling. I hope I can get over this.

Is expiration the opposite of inspiration? Because I feel expired, void. Had not had the slightest clue even where I am going while writing this particular stuff (haha). Just so I can write my frustrations and somehow lighten this burden in my heart. Writing (or blogging) is my new found friend, but why can’t blogging just befriend me, please.

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” ― Ernest Hemingway
I started this blog with no definite reason, but I kept on writing. I ached for this to happen but when it was happening, the next thing I knew I was back at ground zero. Was it my expectation for myself I did not meet or was it my readers’ expectations I felt I failed to meet, if indeed I had readers. 🙂 All the things I hoped for were now coming back at me and I can’t dodge them; they all strike me head-on and I don’t know what my goals for writing are anymore. Is this where I will stop writing?
I hope not.
“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.” ― Jack KerouacThe Dharma Bums
Maybe I will start reconciling with myself; maybe only through reconciliation that I can make myself “write” again. I will try not to feel guilty about anything and not think of expectations from anyone most especially with myself. From time to time, I will try to look at the mirror and remind the person looking back at me to never exist just to please everyone around and to love herself most of all. After all, it is always true that “you cannot give what you don’t have” (I John 4:7-19).
So, I will keep writing whether I’m inspired or expired. 🙂
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