I have a huge collection of risks; calculated risks.
With calculated risk, I mean that before I do something out of my league, I often really do a lot of thinking. I feel like playing chess. I analyze my moves until my head spins, but soon realizes that the results don’t mean anything anymore at the end. I’ve had countless of experiences where I really strive to be perfect and flawless until it hurts to fall short. I will later find myself throwing all my cares away and just go with the flow; when I do that, I’m happier and I don’t know why. Maybe because I don’t expect anything anymore. Maybe the saying, “Let go and let God” is more like what I really felt.
The thing is, I realized that every single day I wake up is always a brand new gift; a day where I always want to hear good news and nothing else . Looking back all the things I’ve done, all the things I’ve said, and all the risks I thought I took, I can say now that I was meant to experience them all. The outcomes of all my decisions would always have been everything I hoped for but the end did not matter to me anymore. In every situation, I never want to be sad; I only choose what makes me happy. By saying that, what is “right and just” makes me happy. I may have said I took the risk to live, to love, and to laugh; but the the thing is, I only decide for everything I will be happy about; regardless of the result. Nothing else matters.
I don’t call it a risk anymore when I choose to do something out of my hand because I know that it makes me happy first and foremost. I was meant to walk my shoes; God leads the way.