PARENTS VS. DAUGHTER

From the movie “Meet the Parents”, courtesy of Universal Studios

It is a universal truth that parents always want the best of everything for their children and that includes choosing the best man for a daughter to marry. Nobody can ever be good enough. I despise that thought of being told what to do and what to feel and for whom to feel what, until I became a parent now and already filling the shoes of my parents.

The whole “you and me against the world” thing might sound too theatrical and corny, but it is a serious reality inspiring love stories from poems, movies, book, and so on. I experienced firsthand how awkward it felt to be in the middle of such situation. My ex-boyfriend was not the man my parents wants me to be with. The “Romeo and Juliet” situation was becoming real, only that we did not end up killing ourselves.

“How far should a person go in the name of true love?”   ― Nicholas SparksThe Choice

It is as far as breaking rules and be dishonored by parents, sometimes. But the real question is, how can one know that it’s all worth fighting for? It need not be that difficult to answer if you already decided for the answer before that question pops. Just to be clear on this, I say, Love is a choice. We both made the decision to be truly in love, so it was not difficult for us to fight for each other and decide to wake up and be beside each other every morning for the rest of our lives. For us, at least, that worked out fine.

Back then, I tried to understand what my parents thought of my love life. Why it was so easy for them to judge my boyfriend and foresee my future with him. Maybe, they were too proud of me that no man can ever be worthy to have me or, maybe, they belittled my capacity to decide for myself and still see me as their little girl. Either way, it hurts.

My ex-boyfriend, now my husband, made extra effort to win my parents over. I need not tell him to do it, but his initiative to do so made my decision more certain. He never said anything bad and never was there a moment he hated them. He was working overseas, so he was not around all the time. That made things easier because my parents thought we broke up.

That chapter of my life are where my life’s most deciding moments are. I am a believer that “Love” itself is above everything else in this world. It is the very reason why we breath, eat, sleep, work, and so on. Everything we live for is rooted in it. Further, when we decide to live it, we make ourselves vulnerable to pain . It can be deceitful and blinding. You have to be in the right frame of mind to welcome a serious relationship and decide to fight for it. That one, I did. I took the risk to have faith in my boyfriend and at the same time prepared to get hurt in the process. Because at the end of the day, I believe that it will always be “better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all” ( Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem In Memoriam:27, 1850). It was very difficult a decision because it involves hurting the persons closest to me, my parents. Through time, I was glad to have fought for that one thing called “love”. On parents vs. daughter, I think I won. But I don’t want to think of my successful love story as making fools out of my parents, I am just happy to have made the right decision.

Now that I am a parent of an only daughter, I made some realizations. I now feel my parents, but I have lessons learned. I know my parents loved me and I truly understand that they only want the best for me. When my daughter grows up, I still want to be that parent who wants the best of everything for her daughter, but I would like to add that I also want to be respectful of her decisions no matter what. 

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